Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
