Christians are straight up FREAKS
return my video game
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love accidental penises.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
