does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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