Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
