I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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