Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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