What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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