How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
