It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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