if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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