If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
