So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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