I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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