I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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