are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize