my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
