Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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