fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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