whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
