like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize