Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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