I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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