Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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