you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
