wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
