So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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