if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
