She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
