i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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