Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize