we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
