My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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