He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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