Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
