i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
