i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
