Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
