Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
