I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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