i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
