Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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