Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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