pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize