I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
