She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
