Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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