just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
