is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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