Your dad touched me again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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