i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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