Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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