3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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