Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
