Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
