A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize