Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize