I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So squirting runs in the family.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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