i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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