just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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