I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
