You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
