I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
